Still dont know what I was waiting for And my time was running wild A million dead-end streets and Every time I thought I'd got it made It seemed the taste was not so sweet So I turned myself to face me But I've never caught a glimpse Of how the others must see the faker I'm much too fast to take that test
I have maintained for many years that I managed to go all through my time at high school without anyone realising that I was actually there, such was my all-encompassing mediocrity.
Now I have the proof!!!!
I went to 'The Village' hotel tonight with a few people from the gym.
Whilst I was there, I saw a group of 3 women, all of whom were in my classes with me at school. I NEVER forget a face, so they were dead easy to spot. I couldn't resist popping over to say 'hi'.
Unfortunately, they hadn't a bloody clue who I was LOL!!! They could remember most of my friends, but not me. Then again, I daresay I've changed a bit since 1979.
They were very nice about it though and we spent a pleasant hour or so reminiscing about the old place.
One has to laugh ;-P
TONIGHT'S MOOD: Forgotten.
SOUNDTRACK: Simple Minds - 'Don't You Forget About Me'
FOOTNOTE: You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
I was going to go this year, but work made sure that I didn't.
St Patricks Day is quite an occasion here in the UK, with pretty much every pub doing the obligatory 'Guinness' promotion.
It's quite an occasion in Ireland too, I'd wager.
Just as St Andrew's day is a big deal in Scotland and St David's day is a big deal in Wales.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for St George's Day here in England.
Somehow, we have allowed the situation to arise where it is acceptable to be proud of one's Scottishness, Welshness of Irishness, but decalring yourelf as 'English' is frowned upon and the declarer deemed to be a rabid racist of the worst order.
If you are 'English', then one has to be 'British' in order to be politically correct.
The last few years HAVE seen a few St George's Day parades, but these seem to be discouraged at every turn by whichever local authority is in charge.
My local council have refused to grant a licence to hold the Sandwell St George's Day parade this year, their excuse being that the British National Party were distributing leaflets at last year's event.
I'm in no way a supporter of the BNP, but they are a legitimate political party who have every right to dostribute leaflets if they want to. I don't agree with them, but I agree with their right to free speech.
Everyone is equal, after all.......
Unless you happen to be English......
And have the audacity to actually live in England.....
TODAY'S MOOD: Disliking double standards.
SOUNDTRACK: The Clash - 'This Is England'
Even the slideshow put together for this video seems to mistake 'British' and 'English'.
Maggsworld left a comment on my ~Getting Real~ post a couple of screens down the page.
It went thus;
"The self reflection is a good and necessary thing for growth. Just do what you need to do for you. One day at a time. No-one else is living your life except you and if the configuration feels wrong then do your personal gap analysis and change it. Maggs."
Food for thought indeed......
My act of impetuity on Saturday was to drive up to Fleetwood in Lancashire and sit on the sea-front eating fish & chips whist gazing across the Irish Sea, pondering where I was, how I'd got here and where the hell I was going to. Eventually, I moved a few miles south to Blackpool, did more of the same, quaffed several pints of Guinness and stayed over in a B&B for the night.
I've always had a tendancy to put the feelings and needs of other people before my own. It's a hard habit to get out of. The trouble is, I've allowed it to permeate pretty much every aspect of my life, to the extent where I feel that I no longer have any real control of it.
I've always got someone else to put first, someone else who needs X or Y doing before I can do anything for myself.
Quite an acheivement for a separated guy who lives on his own!!
Yes, that includes clients sometimes too and yes, it's my own bloody fault for being such a soft touch and not setting proper boundaries.
"No-one else is living your life except you"
Maybe I ought to carve that on the back of my hand, as a constant reminder to myself?
TODAY'S MOOD: Introverted
SOUNDTRACK: Bobby Brown - 'On Our Own'
I guess we're going to have to take control.........
FOOTNOTE: I love Ghostbusters I and II....two of my favourite films, in fact :-)
Some of you may have noticed that Carla has been busy 'reducing her cyber-footprint' of late.
I have to admit that it's got me pondering the pros and cons of my 'cyber-life'. Both as it is at the moment and how it's been over the 5 years during which I've had various profiles on different sites. The main one (obviously) being The Lone Groover here and at the old Journalspace.
I think it's easy for blogging/facebooking/MySpacing/YMing/MSNing, or whatever flavour you choose, to slowly take over your life without your realising it. It certainly has done in my case.
In some ways, I'm grateful for the time I've spent on-line.
In other ways, I curse the day I ever bought a bloody PC.
I hate the way that it brings out the worst in me sometimes, as it has done this very morning.
I've just become so very, very weary of it.
It's simply not worth it anymore.
3D LIFE;
I've had several people tell me over the last couple of years that I "have it all".
They see me as driving from gym to gym, doing personal training sessions, massage sessions and teaching classes.
They see me as being able to come and go as I please, with no-one waiting at home with the proverbial rolling pin to give me the 3rd degree over where I've been or why I've been working so late.
Those things may be true, but I'm far from 'having it all'.
I've lost count of how many times I've walked into my empty flat at the end of the day, then turned right around again and gone to my local ASDA, just to be around other people. How sad is that?!?!?
There are some distinct advantages of living alone, in many ways it's bloody marvelous, but there are times (too many times) when it's just too quiet and lonely for comfort.
Yes, I have a (very) small group of friends and family who'll take pity on me occasionally and invite me out, but on the whole, I don't do a great deal socially.
To some degree, my work is a little like having a paid social life. After all, the gym is leisure time for most people and it DOES rub off on you, but it's not the same as a social life.
It's still my job at the end of the day.
I need to work on it.
TODAY'S MOOD: Pondering.
SOUNDTRACK: Faith No More - 'I Started A Joke'
FOOTNOTE: I was supposed to be going to the gym early this morning, oh well.....
Hmmm.....interesting....quite accurate in some ways too, now that I think about it.
I've often wondered how the people who built the Great Wall and invented countless invaluable invention-type-things managed to come to the conclusion that it was a good idea to eat a staple diet of rice with a couple of f*cking sticks!!
TONIGHT'S MOOD: Grateful for the wonder that is 'Cutlery'.
SOUNDTRACK: David Bowie - 'Watch That Man'
He talks like a jerk, but he could eat you with a fork and spoon.....but he'd be bolloxed with a pair of chopsticks, I'd wager!!!
FOOTNOTE: They eat so bloody fast too! A case of having to, before it falls off the chopsticks, I guess?
The Exotic and Intimidating Groover (yeah, whatever...LOL!!!)
That's 4 gearboxes on 3 cars that she's trashed now.
To have one gearbox die is unlucky; they're a tad expensive to fix, after all (especially as she can only drive an automatic).
To have 2 die is dashed unlucky.
After the third, one would imagine that you'd take a long, hard look at your style of driving. Just to make sure that you weren't doing anything that was less than condusive to the health of your transmission.
To have 4 die pretty much confirms that you need to re-take your driving test.
I know what her problem is. We argued about it on many, many occasions.
How I (used to) come to a halt whilst driving an automatic;
#1 Bring the car to a halt.
#2 Select 'N'
#3 Apply handbrake.
#4 Select 'P'
How my ex comes to a halt whilst driving an automatic.
#1 Don't bother to stop completely.
#2 Select 'P' as quickly as possible, jolting the car to a sudden halt.
#3 Wonder why you've knackered 4 gearboxes over the years.
Each time I would attempt to point out that was, just perhaps, not the best way to treat our car, I'd get an earful, so I eventally gave up.
My explaination that it was akin to stopping a push-bike by inserting a broom handle into the back wheel fell on deaf ears.
The proof of the pudding......
TONIGHT'S MOOD: Wondering if she'll have the brass to come to me to help her get it fixed.
SOUNDTRACK: The Smiths - 'How Soon Is Now'
No real reason for the song choice, just a classic track that kind of fits my mood at the moment.....
FOOTNOTE: Some people just won't listen to advice.
You may think me a cynical old toad (maybe I am), but the current barrage of Valentine's Day bumf is seriusly getting on my tits.
Surely I'm not the only person who finds the whole debacle hurl-inducingly cheesy?
We saw the back of Christmas / New year (which is just as bad), only for it to be replaced by yet another example of over-commercialised bollocks that's designed to make us feel obliged to part with our cash.
You WILL buy an expensive card / bottle of sparkly pink wine / bunch of roses / cuddly toy holding a heart saying 'I love you' / cheesy CD compilation of love songs / over priced restaurant meal....woe betide you if you don't!!
The other 364 days of the year don't matter, you can be a total bastard for those, as long as you make a grand, over-sentimental display of affection on the 14th of February.
TODAY'S MOOD: Cynical, old and toadish.
SOUNDTRACK: Siouxsie and the Banshees - 'Love in a Void'
FOOTNOTE: Do you really find Valentine's Day romantic?
It's been a bit of a grim week as far as work is concerned; the recent inclemency of the English weather has seen to that.
We simply can't handle snow!!!
I lost two whole days of work because of it....not good...:-/
However, I managed to claw myself out of the doldrums a little this evening, when one of my newer clients had his four-week health check.
Since starting his diet and exercise regime on the 9th of January, he's lost 6.4kg (14.08lbs) of overall bodyweight.
This is made up of a body fat loss of 11.2kg (24.64lbs) and a lean mass GAIN of 5.3kg (11.66lbs).
He HAS got a lot of body fat to lose, and it's pretty common for such people to lose a large amount of weight in the first few weeks. Even so, he's done amazingly well at sticking to his diet and his home exercise program that I gave him. Not to forgetting his 2 PT sessions a week, of course.
It also means he'll be buying another block of 10 sessions from me. :-)
TONIGHT'S MOOD: Better.
SOUNDTRACK: The Cramps - 'You've Got Good Taste'
I was saddened today to learn of the death of The Cramp's vocalist, Mr Lux Interior on the 4th of February due to an existing heart condition.
I was well into The Cramps as a youth (indeed, I still am). I love their gothic-horror-rockabilly sound.
The world will be a less interesting place for your passing, Mr Interior :-(
REMEMBER: What you get out is directly proportional to the effort you put in.
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg!
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Azanmig huh?
Yaeh, and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
TODAY'S MOOD: Chilly.
SOUNDTRACK: Urban Cookie Collective - 'The Key, The Secret'
I little Old Skool dance for a snowy Thursday here in good old Blighty.....
FOOTNOTE: I culod raed it eislay, I msut hvae a gerat mnid!!!
It's been 2 years to the day since I split with Dawn.
When I actually sit and think about it, I can hardly believe how much my life has changed over the last 24 months.
There's still room for improvement, lot's of it, but things are generally moving in the right direction.
I've tried to trace back the chain of events that have led to my sitting here typing these words, but it's still a little difficult to see the wood for the trees.
I guess I'll just blame it on the proverbial butterfly flapping it's wings on a Chinese hillside......
TONIGHT'S MOOD: Reflective
SOUNDTRACK: David Bowie - 'Changes'
My epitaph...
FOOTNOTE: I wonder what I'll be writing in another 2 years?
There's little that gives me more satisfaction (well, apart from the obvious things **nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more**) than learning new things.
I've spent 5 out of the last 7 years on part-time college courses. Obviously, I didn't do them for thier own sake. There was the ulterior motive of building a personal training business.
I would have liked to have enroled on an aromatherapy course this year, to broaden the scope of my massage service, but I simply couldn't afford to lose another weekday eveinig to do it.
My 'CYQ Level 3' qualification had a 4 week module about nutrition, but didn't go into as much detail as I would have liked. It's one area in which I would really like to study in some detail.
So....
I've decided to enrol on an Open University course in 'Understanding Human Nutrition'. The OU courses are pretty flexible in that you work from home, with your learning materials being mailed to you and available online.
I may well qualify for a fee concession too....which is nice...:-D
TODAY'S MOOD: Scholarly
SOUNDTRACK: T-Rex - 'The Groover'
Marc Bolan, he who weren't no square with his cork-screw hair, once wrote a song about me.....
I'm The Groover honey......
FOOTNOTE: I'm going to pick up the newly repaired Bad Boy now too....deep joy.....:-)
He's been in the shop today to have his rear shock-absorbers replaced.
However, the shock-absorber mounts need replacing too. Unfortunately, the only place the mechanic can get them from is BMW, who can't get them to him until Tuesday.
So, it appears that my rear suspension will be knocking away until the middle of next week.
It's also going to cost me an extra 60 quid. Thankfully, the guy isn't going to charge me any more for labour because he can replace the mounts as he's replacing the shock-absorbers.
I can't believe I just wrote that...it musy have been SOOOOOOOOO boring to read.
TONIGHT'S MOOD: Disappointed
SOUNDTRACK: The Dandy Warhols - 'Bohemian Like You'
The 'uncensored' version, featuring gratuitous shots of a rather shapely young lady laying on a skateboard and of a particulaly gaunt, pasty-looking young man with a flacid penis and slightly disturbing pubic hair.
I'm still a member at the 'Fitness First' club that I used to work at.
I had a chat with one of the Personal Trainers there yesterday about the state of the PT business within the club. It reminded me (if I needed reminding) of why it wasn't for me.
I spent 12 years at various levels of management, the last 7 of which were spent as a logistics manager for 'Lear Corporation'.
I never felt truly at home within the corporate environment. I hated all of the brown-nosing and office politics that went on. I managed to keep most of it at arms length, but it's impossible to not get drawn into the fracas at some point.
When I went into personal training, one of the main attractions for me was the feeling of getting out of the rat race. I'd got no boss to answer to, no conterparts trying to undermine me.....bliss.....
However, once I'd settled in at 'Fitness First', I realised that the rat race was very much alive, only this time it was FAR, far worse that before.
Now there were a dozen other self-employed PT's, all scrambling after the same pool of clients. The fact that we were only allowed to train clients who were club members made it a closed shop as far as potential business went. The scale of the bitching, the gossip and the back-stabbing was truly biblical.
Obviously, now I'm freelance, I still have competition from other PT's in the area, but at least my success or failure depends on me, my own marketing skills and my own ablilty, rather than my enthusiasm in sucking up to the boss and shafting my colleagues.
Rock 'n' Roll.....
Well it ain't noise pollution mate!
TODAY'S MOOD: Liberated.
SOUNDTRACK: AC/DC - 'Rock 'n' Roll Ain't Noise Pollution'
FOOTNOTE: Life is good.....well....most of the time....
They culminated in my having to call the NHS Direct helpline last night, then driving over to Birmingham for a midnight appointment at an NHS centre to see a doctor about my rapidly inflaming throat.
He examined me and gave me a course of antibiotics to take, which seem to be working wonders so far.
I had a badly inflamed right tonsil and glands on the right side of my neck, apparently. I couldn't even swallow my own saliva, it was so swollen.
I've actually managed to eat solid food today, which was nice :-)
TONIGHT'S MOOD: Thankful for the NHS.
SOUNDTRACK: Joy Division - 'Shadowplay'
FOOTNOTE: People knock the NHS, but I didn't have to put my hand in my pocket ONCE for anything they did last night.
Even when I am, it's not often that I have to give in to it.
When I had to have my broken right foot pinned back together a few years ago, I still managed to get around pretty much normally.
However, I've picked up a flu/cold type thing over the past couple of days and, I have to admit, I feel like I've been hit by a train.
One of my CLIENTS actually finished her session early today because, in her words; 'you look like death warmed up'. Luckily, she's one of my hard-core clients, so it won't be a black mark against me professionally.
I had an inkling that something was afoot ealier in the week when I got a cold-sore on my lower lip. If I get a cold-sore, it usually means that I'm coming down with something.
I've got my Uncle's 60th birthday bash to attend tonight, so I think I may well try to get some kip this afternoon and see if I can reduce the size of that train!
TODAY'S MOOD: Sickly
SOUNDTRACK: Paul Hardcastle - '19'
This came up in conversation earlier today. I hadn't seen the video in years, so I thought I'd have a gander on YouTube.
It's still as disturbing today as it was back in '85.
FOOTNOTE: Things never really change, do they? :-/
But I also lost a client because her hubby has been made redundant :-(
I also lost an evening's work at the gym I go to on Monday and Thursday evenings because the January 'New Year Resolution' rush is yet to materialise and there wasn't a single client booked in :-(
I've got that achey-flu feeling coming on too, so it's 2 ibuprofen and bed for me, I think.
TONIGHT'S MOOD: A poorly sausage
SOUNDTRACK: The Stone Roses - 'Fool's Gold'
FOOTNOTE: In one hand, then right out of the other **sigh**
